Monday I drove through one of the worst stormy-rainy-dark-terrifying half hours of my life. The rain came down so hard that it made a pool of the highway.
The highway where semi trucks were racing down. The highway that had a mile-marker telling me I was thirty-some miles from home.
Now, my van needs new tires. This became evident when I lost control a few times, hydroplaning across the water. I prayed. I cussed (whoops). I prayed…and repented of my cussing…and then turned right back around and cussed again. Ugh. (NOTE: my kids weren’t in the car…my worse cusses around them are “shoot!” and “doggone!”)
I hate driving in storms.
As soon as I could, I pulled off an exit, pulled into a gas station parking lot, and let my shaky hands leave the steering wheel.
The last thing I wanted to do was get back on the highway. But the thing I wanted most was to get home. I had to do the thing that scared me in order to get where I wanted to be.
It’s a lot like life. Right?
And, for me, it’s a lot like the writing life.
I don’t want to put myself “out there”…I don’t want to be the object of reviews and rejections. I don’t want to try and convince people to buy and read and recommend my books (both Paint Chips and My Mother’s Chamomile are less than $4 for an ebook download…wink). I don’t want to be in limbo with which publisher I’ll work with on A Cup of Dust and my future novels.
I really, really don’t even want to think about what will happen if no publisher will have me again. It happens, friends. It happens to really great authors. And it’s terrifying.
I really, really want to be a writer. I want to do this job for the rest of my life. I want people to read my novels.
I have to keep doing what scares me in order to get where I want to be.
So, I’m going to keep writing. I’m going to be open to what my agent says (she’s fabulous). I’m going to pray about it some more and hopefully I won’t cuss too much about it all.
The things that scare us sometimes end up making us a whole lot stronger.
It seems God takes us out of our “comfort zone” in order to grow. Great things are coming your way!
It’s so true, Pam! And, thank you. You know that you’re a huge encouragement to me, right? Thank you, Thank you for that!
Perfect timing, Susie. I was so scared of something happening today that I just about lost it. I did what had to be done, it went just fine, and I grew a little (I think). It was reassuring to read your post when I checked my email tonight. Thanks for being honest and encouraging all of us when we have those times. ~Robyn
Susie, this was a wonderful post. Why is there always tension? I’m dealing with that question in a post soon to come.
Praying for you as you hang on, white-knuckled to what God has for you. I believe in you and your writing and am excited to see where this road may take you. I’m also praying that the drive won’t be too terrifying 😉
So true Susie. The things that terrify us most, often are used by God to make us stronger. I believe He is using you in big ways with your novels. Look at how you opened West Michigan’s eyes to human trafficking in Paint Chips? I think many thought, “It doesn’t happen around here!” In My Mother’s Chamomile, you brought death issues out of the shadows. You have a special talent to weave your novels throughout real life issues. Don’t give up. The Holy Spirit is working through you. I encourage you dear friend.