This morning I read a post by John Blase that has me feeling contemplative. And it has me feeling like I need to let you see me. See past the happy selfies and the snarky-snark-snark.
I’m feeling blue this morning.
It could be the dreary skies. The fact that school is going to be done for the year in just a few weeks. It might be the migraine I’ve been trying to shake for the last week or so. Or that I’m not as far along in writing this novel as I’d hoped to be. That I wish My Mother’s Chamomile was selling better. Oh, and finding Paint Chips for sale, used, from the online West Michigan Goodwill store didn’t help, either.
Plus, sick friends and family. Missing girls in Nigeria. War. The ick of living in a broken world full of broken people.
But I’m blu-ooo-ooo, blu-ooo-ooo, blu-ooo-ooo, OOOOOO.
Honestly, it isn’t the rejection. I’m actually completely fine with that. Isn’t that weird?
I’m. Just. Feeling. Blah. Meh.
It’s a shrug-your-shoulders kind of day.
And that’s the truth. It ain’t purty, that’s for sure.
You know what I want to do? Sleep. Eat chocolate. Watch TV. Stop writing for a day or two. Or a week. Or just go get a job at…well…anywhere. Actually make minimum wage for the first time in 8 years.
Problem is, I can’t do that.
But I’m in too deep for that kind of thing.
So. Here’s the plan. I’m going to accept the blue. I’m going to nod at it, let it have its day. I’m going to feel it and observe it. Store it up for when I need to write it.
I’m going to read encouraging emails that I’ve gotten recently from people who have read one of my books. I’m going to accept extra hugs from my kids and husband. I’ll work furiously on my novel while my boys are in school. I’m going to get a coffee at the Starbucks where the baristas know my name (I’m like Norm there).
And I’ll keep on praying. Yeah, I know. Sometimes that doesn’t garner the results I want. Sometimes praying feels empty. But I’m going to do it anyway.
Because I’ve had a lot of days like this. I’m prone to them. Isn’t that nice? And I’ve learned something about days like these…
Sunny days always come around again eventually.
I’m a believer in hope.
Your honesty in where you are is refreshing. I’ve been realizing that I can slap on a happy face and tell people everything is okay because God is good, or I can accept and observe where I am. Things may be okay, but there are feelings that just need to be felt some days. I’ve had to accept some disappointment lately, but I’m learning that it’s okay to do that. Things may not be totally okay, but God is still good.
Thank you for your words, Susie!
Lex, I’ve wasted too much of my life with a fakey fake smiley face on. It’s too exhausting. Disappointment is tough. But, I like to think, it’s one step closer to something great.