Loud Talking At The Coffee Shop

All I wanted was to sit in the coffee shop and write. This novel needed my focus. Typically, a coffee shop is a good choice.

Especially a coffee shop within an Indie Book Store. At 3:30 on a Wednesday afternoon.

At least you would think that.

But. Well. No.

As I ordered my mocha (ah…mocha), I heard a voice. A female voice. Shouting.

I paid. Smiled at the barista. Found a table with a plug nearby. Began writing a very emotionally charged scene.

“NOW, HOW DO I CHECK MY HOTMAIL ON THIS THING?” the loud, shouting woman…er…yelled. “THERE ISN’T A BUTTON FOR IT.”

I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow (a move I learned from my college choir director).

“WELL, I SENT THEM A MESSAGE THAT I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO CHECK MY HOTMAIL ON MY COMPUTER AND ON THIS THING.”

I turned. Hoping that if she saw me look at her, she’d get the point. Her companion, poor lady, sat inches from the yelling woman. An e-reader on the table. Both woman hovered over it. The companion spoke. But I couldn’t hear her.

I’ll tell you what I did hear.

“SO ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TOUCH THE SCREEN LIKE THAT? NO, LET ME DO IT. IF I DON’T DO IT MYSELF I’LL NEVER LEARN.”

And.

“WHERE DO I BUY BATTERIES FOR THIS THING? LOOK. IT’S ALMOST OUT OF BATTERIES.”

And.

“OH. I TOLD THE MAN WHEN I BOUGHT THIS THAT I DIDN’T WANT FACEBOOK. YOU KNOW ALL THE KIDS OUT THERE. ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS FACEBOOK THIS AND FACEBOOK THAT. I JUST DON’T WANT ANYBODY SEEING EVERYTHING I DO ALL DAY LONG. YOU SHOULD GET OFF THE FACEBOOK. IT’LL KEEP YOU FROM GETTING THAT JOB YOU WANT. YES IT WILL.”

And, so, my writing stalled.

I complained on Facebook. Maybe that was just to spite her.

I sighed. Rolled my eyes. Wished that her battery would just die…Die…DIE!

“LOOK AT THAT. SEE. THAT BATTERY DIED. DO I GET ANOTHER BATTERY AT MEIJER’S?”

It’s “Meijer”, by the way. And, no. You plug “that thing” into the wall.

But I didn’t correct her. Or offer my helpful hints.

I rejoiced.

Her battery passed away and I would get some sweet writing time in before my meeting.

But, not so fast.

“OH. DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE GYNECOLOGIST?”

Friends. That isn’t made up. Even as a fiction writer, I never would have taken that twist in the story.

“WELL, AFTER HE…(part of this was omitted because I love you all and don’t want to subject you to it)…I WAS GETTING DRESSED. AND YOU KNOW HOW I WAS OUT OF BAND-AIDS AT HOME? YEAH. I RAN OUT OF BAND-AIDS. ANYWAY. I LOOKED IN THE DRAWER BY THE STIRRUPS AND FOUND SOME OF THOSE REAL NICE BIG BAND-AIDS. I TOOK A COUPLE HANDFULS BEFORE I LEFT. YUP. JUST STUFFED THEM IN MY PURSE. WELL. I PAY ENOUGH FOR HIM TO EXAMINE ME ALL THE TIME.”

At this point, I decided that she was going to die. In my novel, at least. No. Not at least. Only in my novel. Not in real life. No. Not in real life.

After a few more minutes of…

“THIS ICED TEA TASTES LIKE PEACHES.”

And.

“DO YOU MIND SCRATCHING MY BACK? RIGHT THERE. YEAH. THAT’S NICE.”

And.

“HAVE YOU READ THAT BOOK? OH. I DON’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT. NO. I DON’T KNOW WHO WROTE IT. WELL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S ABOUT EITHER. I HAVEN’T READ IT. HAVE YOU READ IT?”

She finally left.

And the coffee shop became nice and quiet.

I wrote my emotionally heavy scene.

Sipped my mocha (ah. mocha).

And reminded myself that nothing is wasted. All can be used.

Hence, this blog post.

Tell me about a moment like this. Have you encountered a loud talker? What do you do when someone is being rude? Do you clam up (like me)? Or do you tell them to stick a sock in it? Let’s share some fun stories.

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10 thoughts on “Loud Talking At The Coffee Shop

  1. LOL I told you what to tell her. You should have said to her, “Lady, pardon me. I’ve been listening to you and I’m amazed at how much exercise your tongue gets. It gets such a work out – it must be so tender! I’ll bet it would taste really, really good on a salad!” She would have run for the hills, girl!

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  2. I usually snap a picture and make a little fun of them on Facebook. Sometimes I call someone and share the live with them. Other times I put in my noise canceling headphones.
    Which coffee shop were you at? This is one of the reasons I love coffee shops. 🙂

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  3. All I can say, is that due to my 6 lovely, loud children, I may be suffering from a slight amount of hearing loss. Sooooo if I ever talk that loud while in a coffee shop with you…. Please dump your mocha ON ME and I’ll buy you a new one!

    Also, thanks for the laughs! Got the teenagers laughing again too.

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    • Kathi, you’re never too loud. And I didn’t detect any hearing issues with this woman. Her companion wasn’t loud. The woman seemed to hear her just fine.

      And I would never dump a mocha on you. 🙂

      Glad to get the teenagers laughing.

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  4. Oh god that is hilarious. I can’t believe there are people like that! You’d think she’d at least be quiet about her gynecologist! I don’t think I’ve ever encountered someone like that, though it would make for a funny story. xD

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