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I ain’t never been a soft person. There’s no use in this life for cryin’ and carryin’ on. I had some hard times. Ain’t a person on this earth who hasn’t. Life’s tough. If ya’ wanna survive you gotta be strong.
My husband and me was married forty years and then he died. Had himself a heart attack and fell down dead. I had a son die a year after he was born. My daughter don’t want nothin’ to do with me. Yeah. Life’s hard. Get over it.
I’m dyin’. God seen fit to let me get cancer. It’s all over my body now. Ain’t gonna be long before I go to meet my Maker. The pastor been over to the hospital to see me most weeks.
“You feelin’ at peace?” he asked.
“Yup. I believe I am, pastor.” I knowed it was a lie.
I think he could feel that fib on account he asked me every time he seen me. The last time he come he pushed a little more. Got a bit of the truth outta me.
“I ain’t gonna have no peace ‘til I see my daughter. She done a lot of harm to my family. She best make that right before I die. Else she gonna regret it all her days.”
He looked at me funny. Kind of sideways. “Do you think it would be good to ask her forgiveness?”
“Now, what do I need to do that for? You can just walk yourself right on outta here. Accusin’ me of wrongin’ my own daughter.”
It sent me into a coughin’ fit so powerful bad the nurse come in and sent him away. I been coughin’ so bad they think I got the pneumonia. It made me glad they sent him packin’. Don’t need that kind of talk ‘round me no how. Tryin’ to make me feel like it’s all my fault, Sharon runnin’ off. She never did fit in our family in the first place. I questioned God many a time why He found fit to send her to us. Last thing I wanted in the world was a daughter.
Bein’ a woman never served me too well. Didn’t want any child of mine to suffer so like I did. Ain’t no use thinkin’ about that now. What’s done is done.
First time I held her I seen she was a pretty baby. Knowed she would be a beautiful woman. Bein’ beautiful in this day and age is a dangerous thing. I mighta been too hard on her. But it was all to keep her safe. Figured that if she looked like a boy and could fight like a boy nobody’d wanna mess with her.
Her will was too strong, though. She wouldn’t have none of it. So, I let her go off. I couldn’t do nothin’ for her. She did okay. Got herself through college. She’d send pictures every now and again.
She done good for herself. Ain’t no reason I should ‘pologize to her. Fact is, she should be thankin’ me for pushin’ her outta the nest a little. Made her the woman she is now.
But I ain’t gonna see her again before I pass on.